Summer is here with all its additions. Heat, rain, thunder and just the usual feeling of suffocation because summer in Sweden is torture since Sweden isn’t supposed to be this hot. But it’s getting cooler this coming week and it’s needed but I do of course welcome the heat back later. ♡
Yesterday I was struggling to get some pictures of Cosmos. He kept moving around, but eventually he went back to his original spot and I managed to get the pictures I wanted. 🙂
I am sorry Pyret. Is it okay if I let Cosmos use your food bowl and toys for a while? Until I have order or until we’ve moved to a bigger place? It’s kind of comforting seeing how much he loves the same toys that you loved. It’s okay, isn’t it? Maybe you’re showing him the best toys and told him how much I loved seeing you play with them.
I miss you and in two days I’m coming to get you. You’re almost home. 😻
If there is one thing I’ve learnt as a cat owner it is that having a cat is like having a disobedient three year old with the mentality of a forty two year old who’s sick of everyone with an attitude that says: “Fuck you. I do what I want. Watch me.”
I sometimes catch myself about to reprimand Cosmos with words and then I realise: he’s a cat so it doesn’t matter what I say – he will be wherever he wants whenever he wants.
Now he’s curled up under my chin, purring loudly. That is where he likes to be the most. ♡ he’s a little fuzzy monster and that’s okay.
I have been watching too many movies. Which is kind of evident, because I am on edge for the slightest suspicious sounds in the middle of the night. Like tonight when I heard some and then discovered it was just Cosmos who’d gotten himself into my drawers. Such a weird cat, but I love him. A cat is a cat and that is that. 🙂
I am sorry Pyret,
For being selfish. For not spending as much time with you the last months of your life. I did not know better – I thought I would have you for many more years. I am sorry Pyret; for not being there when they had to let you go. Truth is: I wouldn’t have the strength. I am sorry Pyret for not getting help any sooner. Truth is, people told me to wait it out and for a moment you got better. I am sorry for setting myself first when you had always been my top priority. I am sorry, Pyret. That I let myself go when you needed me the most. I am so sorry Pyret. And most of all I am so sorry that even after three months I still haven’t gotten a chance to get your ashes home, truth is that I have a hard time getting there. I am sorry Pyret. I am so sorry.
I want to say thank you, Pyret. For all the years you gave. I want to say thank you Pyret; for all your headbonks, sandpaper kisses and purrs. For all the unconditional love you gave in that red and white fluffy fur. I want to say thank you Pyret, for being my loyal furiend. To have someone to come home to, to each days end. I want to say thank you Pyret, for giving me the reason to live. I want to say thank you Pyret; for not only never leaving my side, but also the very day that I got you, little did you know that you saved my very life. I am thankful for the short amount of time I got, I guess it was your time to leave. Maybe God called back his furry angel because it was according to his will. And most of all: I want to say thank you for being my heart and soul and even if it may take a while until the change of tides: I cannot wait until the day I will always be by your side.
2016 has been, by far, the most emotional draining year of my life. I lost my cat – a cat that had been my companion for six years and had been my companion through my most depressive years. Losing him meant losing a part of myself and I still blame myself. I should have seen the warning signs of him getting sick, yet I didn’t. He saved my life the moment I got him and I couldn’t save his – that is the most devastating fact. Another fact was that I couldn’t get his ashes home until I paid the bill, which was way too expensive. Thankfully, I had a friend who helped me pay it and now I can finally get some closure.
But I also got a new family member, who despite driving me insane literally every day, at least keeps me company and keeps me at bay. He reminds me so much about Pyret in so many ways that it feels like he never left me and it hurts and it feels kind of good at the same time.
Loss and heartbreak is a part of life. I wasn’t prepared for this, though. I expected Pyret to live for many more years, the fact that he left me at my most fragile point of life made it a hundred times more difficult.
And I wasn’t prepared for a new cat, either. I felt pressured because I had promised to take him earlier, but with the loss of Pyret I felt incapable of taking care of another cat – if I couldn’t save Pyret, then how would I be able to take care of Cosmos?
Despite that I took him, unprepared and insecure about my decision. But the moment he got here he cuddled up next to me and slept next to me just like Pyret did the first night I took him home.
So I lost a piece of my heart and I am fragile and I still gave another cat a chance and I honestly still doubt myself in my capability to take care of him, yet I do not regret taking him in since he brings me some light into my life and makes me feel like Pyret never left me at all. ❤️
So, there is this cat that shows up occasionally at the bus stop. She is very social and likes attention. So I got some company in the cold today. ❤ She’s not a stray – she lives in the neighbourhood. Not sure who her owner is, though. But a cat is always a good company.