Anxiety ♡ · Cat Life ♡ · Thoughts ♡

2016 | Year in Review


2016 has been, by far, the most emotional draining year of my life. I lost my cat – a cat that had been my companion for six years and had been my companion through my most depressive years. Losing him meant losing a part of myself and I still blame myself. I should have seen the warning signs of him getting sick, yet I didn’t. He saved my life the moment I got him and I couldn’t save his – that is the most devastating fact. Another fact was that I couldn’t get his ashes home until I paid the bill, which was way too expensive. Thankfully, I had a friend who helped me pay it and now I can finally get some closure.

But I also got a new family member, who despite driving me insane literally every day, at least keeps me company and keeps me at bay. He reminds me so much about Pyret in so many ways that it feels like he never left me and it hurts and it feels kind of good at the same time.

Loss and heartbreak is a part of life. I wasn’t prepared for this, though. I expected Pyret to live for many more years, the fact that he left me at my most fragile point of life made it a hundred times more difficult.

And I wasn’t prepared for a new cat, either. I felt pressured because I had promised to take him earlier, but with the loss of Pyret I felt incapable of taking care of another cat – if I couldn’t save Pyret, then how would I be able to take care of Cosmos?

Despite that I took him, unprepared and insecure about my decision. But the moment he got here he cuddled up next to me and slept next to me just like Pyret did the first night I took him home.

So I lost a piece of my heart and I am fragile and I still gave another cat a chance and I honestly still doubt myself in my capability to take care of him, yet I do not regret taking him in since he brings me some light into my life and makes me feel like Pyret never left me at all. ❤️


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